How to Raise Resilient Children
Albert Einstein said that the same thinking that was used when we created our problems cannot solve our problems. According to beyondblue, in 2013-2014, one in seven young Australians aged between 4-17 years old experienced a mental health condition, and this is just the tip of the iceberg. It is obvious that society can’t keep doing things the same way, something has to change… for our and our children’s future to change.
I know of no parent who wants their child bullied, low self-esteem, shamed or ridiculed. Our children deserve better than these mental health statistics. They, and all of us, deserve to live from a place of knowing that we are loveable, worthy, enough to handle anything, valuable and more valuable than gold, platinum or even a diamond.
The self-esteem triad is a way that, if attended to, on a daily basis, our love for us and our children can be truly rewarding. They can be who they are truly meant to be with their soul intact and out of the fray of damage control.
What is the Self-Esteem Triad?
Needs: Must be met, consistently and with love, care and respect…and I commit to meet the needs of others, where I can.
Boundaries: Must be respected, consistently & with love, care & respect…and I commit to respect the boundaries of others where I can.
Emotions: Must be respected, consistently & with love, care & respect…and I commit to respect the emotions of others, where I can.
When these three pillars of self-esteem are in-tact, our children have the best chance possible to remain resilient all throughout their life and not become one of the statistics. When we are born we already have resilience together with love, warmth, creativity, optimism, playfulness, courage, being adventurous, emotionally spontaneous (remember their laughing smiles looking at our faces) and filled with wonder. Then life happens, and we become three selves if our self-esteem triad is denied or not attended to.
- Our core self where decisions, goals and life’s purpose are determined from a place of love, truth, courage, a sense of adventure, playfulness and childlike wonder.
- Our ‘false’ self where decisions and life’s purpose are determined from a place of fear, lack of trust, self-doubt, self-loathing and constant negative self-talk.
- Our crust, our ultimate masks, where decisions, goals & life purpose are determined from a place of “What would make me look good” and “How do I hide my crud hidden in no. 2?”.
When we reach stage 3, our resilience is no longer there and it is all about the external world meeting our needs for acceptance and not judgement, for love and not fear, for pleasing people rather than being honest – so that no-one finds out about our false self, our crud.
Resilience, however, comes from our internal world needs being met resourcefully such as gratitude, progress, boundaries and living from our full emotional range. A healthy external world has vital needs too: to be loved, to matter, a sense of individuality and stability. With these eight processes intact, our parenting has done it’s job and our children will have a healthy self-esteem, their resilience will be resourceful and positive, rather than what is shown in the mental health statistics.
Our children deserve our best investment of time and effort for them, wouldn’t you agree? Remember, reading a book on swimming doesn’t help. You have to jump in and take action. If you resonate with anything in this article and would love to know more, please get in touch. Our details are in this guide for a soon to start course on how this process works and how we can journey together to ensure you and your children are happy leaders in self-esteem and resilience.
Written by Grace Reynolds
For information on Grace’s services and workshops for parents please call 0477 744 767 or email email@example.com
 The information contained in this article are a compilation of research and studies within the schools of Meta Dynamics™, Positive Psychology, Traditional Coaching, Emotional Intelligence. The Self-Esteem Triad is reproduced with permission: Ultimate You, by Sharon Pearson, published by Global Success Institute, 2017.